March Already?

Things have been a bit intense of late.  Ron and I went in for screenings- vascular and heart on February 15th- well the news was not so good. We both had Calcium CT Scans- we both have  plaque.  And the scan said for me that I had a 90% chance of there being a blockage. What I said????  We eat healthy  I mean really healthy and we exercise daily. Ron's numbers were not good either. We met with the cardiologist and she wanted us to stop exercising  And ordered a stress echo for us.  We had those- well they wouldn't let Ron take his as they didn't like what his heart looked like resting.  He has an angiogram in a couple of weeks- they did do a very detailed scan- I was told my stress echo was normal and can resume exercise. that after being told from the first scan I was in danger- Hoping Ron's comings tests and procedure has a good outcome.  It is so easy to take one's good health for granted. As if the terror in Washington wasn't enough- this health stuff has made for a very challenging time.  Like I usually do I turned to my journal to express and vent my fear and anxiety.

 I played the new Ryan Adams album a few times-when I was making this spread. He is a great story teller- sort of country- and for some he can be a bit on the melancholy side- Sometime when I am feeling sad or broken or scared I play music like that. To some that may sound odd but for me it is like wrapped a comforting quilt around me. This spread was inspired by a verse in his song Prisoner and it  was dealing with our first test results. That is also the name of the album. Here's the verse:

There's this one bird
Lands on the sill beside the bars
How can something born with wings
Ever know freedom to truly be free
Clock don't know what your memories do
They're stacking up beside the bed
I count 'em every night inside my head

This spread below is about the worry about tests. I copied my EKG and used that in this one.  The spread title is Test Anxiety.

The next spread below was done while we were waiting to have our Heart Calcium CT Scans.

That Rumi quote really drew me in.

Well I got my stress echo test back and I am so very thankful it is normal can resume exercise and still have to deal with my cholesterol but that's doable- Ron has a angiogram in 2 weeks. So we will know then what is happening there. So still very tense and the journal spreads today are dealing with that fear. With the internet we have almost too much access to information but of course we have researched what the test will involve- and the risks and all of that.  The spread below is called 

Angio Worry

Heart health weighs heavily here at home and it's hard to just let go and shake it off- Journaling does help- In all the research we have been doing I have seen this imagery and have saved and printed it out and cut it all out and so these have been in a pile on the studio table- not much left of the pile after these past couple days.

This last spread below is out of order but it really fits anywhere.  I need to try to more of this- and it is hard to sort fake news from real news at times.

Looking for Good News