Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Surgery and Recovery

It has been a long time since I posted- in some ways seems like a year.  Ron had his open heart surgery March 31st.  There have been some big bumps along the way but we are making it- he has his second cardio rehab appointment today.  I am posting the spreads from the he time we got the surgery date until the most recent posts so this will be a big post- I suppose I could break it up but I am just going to do it all- I will try to put the dates with each one. I am including the words I included with each post I did to the journal group.

March 21 at 2:39pm
WE got the call today- Ron will have surgery the 31st- next week! So many emotions. It will be a big surgery - they will be replacing a valve and doing a by-pass. I titled this spread Breathe. I need to work on my breathing anyway- and I need to revisit my mindfulness books. Thank you for your thoughts & prayers. Also thank you for your continued comments on my journal work. Your love and support mean so very much.

March 27 at 4:22pm
This will be my last spread for a while- need to get several things done tomorrow and Wednesday as we head over Thursday. This spread was inspired by one I did in a journal for a class that Brian Kasstle John Arbuckle and I taught on Whidbey Island a couple of years ago- This one is very different from that one but a similar feel. The two men represent Ron and I- we have been together 40 years we met though in 1970 lots of history together- when you are in a long term relationship you see things together your heart is linked and we can finish each others sentences. Through this stressful time he knows when I need to be help or given a hug and the same from me. Thank you all so very much for your love your prayers your words of encouragement - this has brought me to tears again but it is so amazing i just can't thank you all enough. I will give updates as i can. The title is Shared Souls.

April 1 at 4:05pm
Things are coming along-Ron is in a room now out of ICU and most of the tubes are out thank goodness. He took a very short walk today and they want him to do 4 tomorrow. To give you an idea of what an amazing man he is- he's just been through a major surgery and he says how very lucky he is and is so worried about the doctors trying to save people's lives in Syria. Thank you so much and he was so moved by all the comments from this group. So Much Gratitude.

April 2 at 10:13pm
Well time for me to try to finally get some sleep. Thank you all for your loving comments of support. Today was a challenge- got there to the hospital this morning to find that they had not given Ron any pain meds since dinner the night before- the surgeon was there when I arrived and she was angry about that- Ron is hearing impaired and has hearing aids but we think his hearing loss is getting worse...anyway that is on his chart and on the white board in the room- the night nurse missed it as when Ron has his hearing aides out which he does when he is sleeping he can't hear anything. So of course my trust level plummeted. Just thankful I didn't channel my hateful mean mother. It got better as he has been able to take 5 walks today- pain is still an issue but lots of progress today. I got back to my room tonight and i just hit the wall and couldn't stop crying. It will be ok just emotionally exhausted. This spread helped- and some friends from home had called and asked about Ron's food restrictions as they are making some meals for us. Thank you all as I do feel your love and support and I am trying to be good to myself- I am not superman and it is ok for me to lose it a bit I will be there with a smile for him in the morning.

April 6 at 5:02pm
Thank you for all your love and support- I am truly moved- means so very much. My whole sense of time is off these days. It has been a hard time. We got back from the Hospital Tuesday late afternoon. Hard drive but so wonderful to be back home but Ron had a very bad night- and the next morning was not looking good then after lunch he said his heart rate was very erratic and he was lightheaded and was having trouble breathing- so off to ER we went- They were terrific there- the ER nurse was so good and the ER doc was very good- he called the surgeon in Fargo where the surgery was- the drug he is on to keep the heart rate steady needed to be increased- so 2 IVs later and another round of tests and a chest X-ray- we were good to go- 5 hours later. So today was the first full day here and he had a long nap and slept hard he has slept little since surgery- The stress has been more than I have ever experienced- when he went to nap I made sure he was OK and headed to the studio. The spread is inspired by the song Human by Aquilo. I fits in many ways This is on their new album, Silhouette is one that I find myself playing over and over.

April 12 at 11:00am
The healing process is not a straight line. Some steps ahead and a couple back- I am thankful for this- that he is here and healing. It has made me really stop and look at our time here on this planet in a different way. Have been thinking about all the experiences we have had over the past 40 years together- the joyous ones and the challenging ones- Thinking about that really helped the day of the surgery- giving thanks for the love in my life- truly honoring that time together. So the past helped anchor me into the present- perhaps that sounds odd but it does. Before all of this heart valve stuff was discovered we were focused on the future the plans for the move to New Mexico. That will still happen- but not worried about when- as right now we are in the present and happy for each step forward in the healing process. Thank you all again for your kindness your thoughts your prayers.
This spread is titled: Time Dance

April 14 at 5:34pm
It's a beautiful day here today- really has a spring feel- We were at the clinic today for a lab and the two week check up- that went very well- things are healing and he was able to stop one of the meds. cardio rehab starts Monday. So for sure on the mend. This spread is: The Measure Of Healing. It takes time- patience is hard sometimes but it is happening- getting a good report helps lift the spirits which in turn helps with the healing. I wish you all a wonderful weekend.

Today's spread was inspired by a passage I read in the book I am reading right now- I LOVE this book. Blessed are the Weird: A Manifesto for Creatives by Jacob Norby. Ron can't drive yet so while he had his cardio rehab today I read and this passage just really thrilled me. It's long but read it if you have time.
You know that crazy heart of yours? The one with the lightning crackling and moon light shining through it. The one you have been told not to trust because it often led you off the beaten path, the one so many have misunderstood your entire life.
Trust it. Feed it. Grow it.
It is your greatest treasure and will point the way to your highest destiny. It is the voice of your soul.

The spread is titled Crazy Heart.

18 hrs April 18
This spread is inspired once again from that book,Blessed are the Weird: A Manifesto for Creatives by Jacob Norby. I will share the passage at the end. There is a wonderful reference to weaving. Weaving is such a wonderful metaphor for many things. Once upon a time I did some weaving and found it to be relaxing and I taught it to my 6th graders when I was teaching elementary art. This is the passage that inspired this spread I titled Imagination Loom. He says just painting but I know it holds for all art forms- journaling, drawing printing collage and so on.
Artists who use paint to show us the world through their eyes are magicians. They are weavers who pull threads from their surroundings and from within themselves and use the looms of their imagination to weave something greater than a mere copy of what they are using as a subject.